Allegedly, we forget 50% of the dream we have just had within 5 minutes of waking up. But then I guess it all depends on the quality or absurdity of the dream in question. Sometimes a dream can be so vivid, so weird, let’s be honest, that it can stay with you long enough to wonder how the seeds of its fucked-up storyline were sown in your skull.

Which brings me to last night’s episode. It revolved around Tom Cruise (because I went down a Graham Norton rabbit hole yesterday afternoon) knocking around to the house with his mates, looking for a go of my wife’s BMX. He was pretty aggressive about wanting it and was wearing a dodgy blue shell suit (which I’m sure was inspired by one of the skins from Call of Duty Modern Warfare, which has been getting played a lot in the house the last couple of weeks) and was rocking his long hair hairdo from M:I2.

I didn’t answer the door immediately, leaving him to knock on the window and even crack one of the panes, instead calling up the stairs to tell my wife she wasn’t going to believe who was outside. In the time it took her to come downstairs, he’d disappeared around the side of our house and smashed his way through the wooden gate to go and get it himself.

So I go out into the street as Tom is doing bunny hops off the curb and popping wheelies to find out who the hell is going to pay for my gate, when Jamie Foxx steps out from the crowd, dressed like the lawyer he played in Law Abiding Citizen and starts waving a wad of dollar-dollar bills y’all.

Fin.

Dreams, they laugh in the face of story structure.

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